


If You’re Too Shy (Let Me Know)

by anasticklefics



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M, Sharing a Bed, Tickling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-14 00:21:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29162568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anasticklefics/pseuds/anasticklefics
Summary: After giving the wrong impression to their host, Jim and Bones have to pretend to be a couple and share a bed. Bones is only a little panicked.
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Leonard "Bones" McCoy
Comments: 6
Kudos: 58





	If You’re Too Shy (Let Me Know)

Bones was so busy listing off reasons to prove Jim’s point was ridiculous that he didn’t even notice Master Mis, respected and beloved in the entire galaxy and an old friend of Scotty’s, of all people, enter the hallway. They’d landed on the planet hours before, had gone through the usual pleasantries before the leader - neither a queen nor a king, as this planet wasn’t conforming to any binary terms - had gone off with Scotty to reminisce. They’d all been given their rooms; singles, smaller than his quarters on the Enterprise, but comfortable enough for unexpected guests. Had Mis not known Scotty Bones suspected their crew would just be any old crew visiting for a few days. It felt good, in a way, to not have to rely on any form of good mood in order to get fuel or whatnot before scrambling. They were merely visitors.

“No, but my _point_ , Bones-”

“Is not even close to a possibility.”

Jim huffed, all sense of authority drained from his limbs whenever it was just the two of them. “But you’re not _listening_ -”

“Oh, I’ve heard more than enough enough.”

It was a stupid disagreement. Not even close to an argument, as Bones didn’t feel passionate enough about the topic anyway. He just enjoyed watching Jim try to articulate his reasonings. The way it winded him up; all hand gestures and wide eyes. As Bones’ interest diminished, Jim’s always grew.

He’d grown used to reining in his amusement. His profession, and just general self, he reckoned, relied on him controlling his emotions. Good news, bad news - whatever type of news - all needed to be delivered with caution and care, and his face had learnt to play the role of neutrality well. Though Jim claimed he only had three faces to begin with: grumpiness, smugness and exhaustion.

He tried not to show any sign of satisfaction now. Jim had accused him of enjoying the act of messing with him, but Bones had never been able to fully explain that it was more than that. He enjoyed frustrating him, true, but there was always more to poking reactions out of his friend. He enjoyed the display; having gotten used to seeing Jim imitate his own lack of revelation shown his features. Flustering him or annoying him or amusing him was a guilty pleasure Bones couldn’t articulate.

Fear of being caught, he knew. Of being caught and being analyzed and being found out, with his heart on his sleeve and in his eyes and his throat. Watching Jim be passionate, even about something so silly as their current disagreement, made his chest feel both tight and warm.

No time to overthink that, he realized as he caught the eye of Master Mis. “Jim-”

“Wait, I’m not done.” Jim pressed a finger to his chest, all exaggerated offense, but Bones could only think of the fact that if he wanted to - which he very often did - he could move his finger lower and ease up the pressure and have Bones giggling in front of a respected figure.

He took a step back, but Jim simply followed. “Jim.”

Jim, predictable Jim, did indeed aim for a more ticklish poke this time. “Stop interrupting me.”

“Jim, it’s-”

“Do I really have to tickle you into listening to me?”

Bones grabbed his wrist, the action predictable as well, though Jim allowed it anyway. Both of them with two free hands and seconds away from a tickle fight, Bones realized in panic, and went to grab Jim’s cheek to turn his head in Mis’ direction.

Only he missed and went for his neck instead, one of Jim’s worst spots, which had their _captain_ laughing instead, which to be fair was kind of worse. “Hey!”

“Jim, _please_.” Bones, reduced to nothing but desperation, especially when wiggling fingers were coming for him, pointed at Master Mis, who seemed to be quite openly laughing at them.

“ _Oh_.” Jim’s eyes widened. “Master! I’m so sorry, I didn’t see you-”

They waved one of their three hands at them. “Oh, no worries, Captain Kirk. I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“Oh, you weren’t interrupting,” Jim continued, voice too high pitched, smile too fixed. “We were simply having a conversation. Nothing serious.”

“It certainly didn’t seem serious.”

Bones, not one to blush, caught Jim’s ears redden and was torn between staring because how could someone be so adorable in his fucking 30s, and between wanting to sink through the floor. It didn’t help that he realized he was still holding onto Jim’s wrist, his other hand still by his chin.

He dropped his arms, as if burned, while Jim kept clearing and clearing his throat.

Later, when he went through the mess that their interaction had been from start to finish, he couldn’t pinpoint exactly when Master Mis decided to change their rooms and give them a double. What part, if any specific part, of their behavior screamed “married” or at the very least “dating” or whatever this planet considered the stages just before. Realizing they hadn’t even reached said stages, Bones nearly blushed to think that he was being so fucking obvious to outsiders.

Jim, on the other hand, was just dead set on not offending when it had taken some serious effort to get them the slightly bigger honeymoon suit (still smaller than their quarters, though). He hadn’t even questioned Mis’ decision, but had merely smiled at them, pleasantly surprised, he said, not necessary but he was grateful for the gesture, he said.

Bones felt like he was in one of his own trippy nightmares turned dreams turned slightly worse nightmares again.

“How do married couples interact?” Jim asked, all panic, all wide eyes and hand gestures and Bones couldn’t enjoy any of it.

“Like regular couples, I guess,” Bones replied. “But more fed up with each other.”

“But we already act like that!”

“Maybe the crew had a point in calling us married.”

“They did?”

“Oh, uh.” To Bones, they had. He couldn’t recall whether Jim had ever been around for it. “Yeah, mainly Sulu.”

Jim shook his head. “I’ll have to ask Sulu for the details.”

“Why can’t we just come clean?”

“And be deemed liars? Bones, come on.” He turned away from him, movements frantic as he grabbed his bag, his things, not many of them, thrown haphazardly into it when they found out they were moving rooms. “We’re only staying for a few days. There’s no need to put a strain on our relationship for something this silly.”

“So why do we need to act a certain way?”

“To make it believable.” He was digging in his bag, still turned away from him. “No need to raise any eyebrows.”

“Except for all eyebrows on the crew.”

“We’ll talk to them. They’ll understand.”

Bones barely understood himself, he thought as he turned away as Jim started pulling his shirt off, a clean one in front of him.

* * *

So maybe he was having a bit of a panic. Maybe the person he would’ve talked to about it was the main cause of it.

Yeah, he was doing great, thank you for asking.

“Married, huh?”

He caught Uhura’s gaze, despite himself, despite her tone, despite knowing there was probably too much in his own eyes that he hadn’t properly concealed yet. “Shut up.”

She held up her hands. “Hey, I’m just double checking. For all I know Sulu could’ve been lying.”

Jim had spent over an hour with Sulu, all but taking notes while Sulu probably tried not to laugh his ass off, Bones imagined. He had yet to ask what their conversation had been about. For someone who was supposed to be married to him, Bones hadn’t seen his husband since the mix up hours ago. The common room, where staff working for the leader and their Starfleet crew alike were welcome, had been full since Bones had arrived half an hour ago, but no Jim to be seen. Not here, nor in their room. Bones knew, for he’d been sulking in it alone all afternoon.

God, night time was approaching way too fucking quickly.

Uhura’s hand found his wrist, briefly, softly, before she withdrew it. “You’ve shared a room before, right?”

He shrugged. “Many times. And a bed. Shared a dorm in college too, but I guess it’s not the same. Don’t tell him I said this, but Jim’s a real cuddler, so I’ve had no choice.”

She let out a laugh. “At least it won’t be strange. Imagine if it had been Spock instead.”

Bones shuddered all the way into evening, which was when he finally dared to enter their room again.

Jim was there, freshly showered, half fucking naked. “Oh, there you are.” His grin was too cheerful to be real. “ _Husband_ ,” he added with a wink.

“I don’t think they’ve bugged our room.”

“Eh, can’t be sure.” He ran a hand through his hair. “So, Sulu’s married and all, so he gave me some tips.”

“You know I’m divorced, right?”

“Case in point.”

“You know what?” His reaction was automatic, came so naturally, and Jim had almost been expecting it. When Bones moved forward, he backed, a dance of theirs, soon to be filled with laughter and play wrestling and pleas.

But something stopped Bones in his tracks and he dropped his hands, the two of them blinking at each other, awkward and untickled.

“What did he say?” he asked wearily.

“Well.” Jim ran a hand through his hair again, droplets falling onto his bare chest in the process. “You bicker a lot, since you’re so close. You can kind of communicate without words. Oh, and you’re more touchy feely than with your friends.”

Why did this sound as if Jim was literally describing them?

He nodded. “Right.”

“We’ll have to hold hands and stuff during dinner.”

“Dinner?”

“You know. Our welcome party. That Mis mentioned.”

“To be entirely honest I didn’t hear a single thing Mis said since they assumed we were married.”

Jim laughed. “Is the idea of being married to me so awful, huh?”

He snorted. “Yes. Terrible.”

“Rude. I’ll get you for that.”

As if wanting to reclaim what awkwardness had stopped, Jim stepped forward, underwear too short, body too bare, but they’d never been shy around each other - Jim, at the very least, never had - so Bones knew it probably didn’t even register to him, but he was extremely aware of a half naked Jim Kirk tackling him to the bed, to be quite honest. Maybe the tickling, cutting his thinking power short, was a blessing, in the end. The writhing and contact, not so much.

* * *

The dinner was awkward partly because Bones could still feel Jim’s goddamn fingers on his skin, partly because Jim’s goddamn fingers were _still_ on his skin, albeit in a less ticklish manner.

Not that Jim didn’t sneak a tickle or two in, between holding his hand and knee and waist. To make him laugh, to make light of the situation, or to simply mess with him. Either way, Bones had never wanted to run away this much in his life. Had never wanted to stay in his stupid arms this much either.

The looks the crew gave him weren’t helping. Knowing, or amused, or pitiful due to being too knowing. Bones had no idea what he looked like, but he felt his body had shut down in comparison to Jim’s exaggeration.

“If you don’t cheer up,” Jim growled, which did things to Bones he would never admit. “I will tickle you into another galaxy, you hear?”

“All _right_ ,” he snapped back, straightening, not even attempting to smile. “This is hard for me.”

“Why?”

“Let’s not have this conversation here, okay?”

Jim huffed, but visibly let it go, just like he let go of his hand. Bones missed it instantly and surprised himself by snatching it back. “Oh, now you wanna be affectionate?”

“Don’t be a baby.”

“Says the guy who’s sulked all day.”

“I’m not _sulking_.”

“Oh, shut up. I know your ins and outs, Leonard McCoy.” He grabbed an olive, popped it into his mouth. “Huh,” he added through his chewing. “Maybe we did get married and I forgot.”

“Unlikely.”

“Why?”

“I’d remember getting married to you.” He’d meant it as a joke, a poke, a bit of an insult even, but he heard something in his voice that Jim inevitably could’ve missed, if his look was anything to go by. He squirmed in his chair, turning away to look at anything but his pretend husband. “But maybe we got brainwashed, I don’t know.”

“Bones.”

He stood. “You think their punch is good? I’ll go check.”

“Bones, I-”

“You want some?”

He glanced at Jim just in time to see something defeated cross his face. “Sure. I’d like some.” Bones couldn’t interpret his tone, but he was practically running across the room, so who could blame him.

* * *

He hadn’t packed pyjamas. Barely used it as it was, unless he was cold, which he knew he wouldn’t be on this desert of a planet. Stupid. Stupid, naive, would-never-have-been-able-to-predict-this mindset of the past.

Jim, at the very least, had some shorts. Barely larger than his boxers, but something. Bones had nothing but the covers and a bed that was too small for them both.

Jim gestured to the mattress, having seemingly given into the awkwardness of the situation, finally. “Pick a side.”

Bones moved slowly, tensely. “The right one.”

“All right.” Jim moved to his side of the bed. Moved the covers so that he could get in. “Could you get the light?”

He should’ve dived into the bed first. Should’ve let Jim navigate the space with a body already in it.

He walked across the room to turn the lights off before returning, fumbling briefly in the dark. Night one. One of three. He could do this.

Jim was closer than he’d expected, but he found he had no space when he tried to scoot away. Skin to skin, Jim turned to face him. He could see his eyes, blinking at him.

“I prefer sleeping on this side,” he whispered.

“I know.”

“We can switch sides.”

“It’s okay.”

“Okay.”

Bones exhaled, all too aware that Jim could feel it.

Jim touched his belly, briefly, ticklish, but he quickly withdrew with a laugh. “Sorry! I was looking for your hand.”

“Why?” The tension, mostly in his body, had made Bones filterless.

“Oh, well, I don’t know,” he said with a shrug. “You seem to need comfort?”

“Me?”

“You, yeah. I know this might be strange considering your last marriage-”

Ah.

“No, no, it’s okay, I-” Had barely given it a thought, to be honest. “It’s not that.”

“Then what is it?”

“Nothing.”

“Bones.” He could see Jim’s hint of a smile, his eyes getting used to the dark. “Don’t make me actually tickle you.”

“You keep doing that.”

“You’re fun to tickle. It’s so uncharacteristic.”

“Shut up.”

“Are you blushing?”

“You know I don’t blush.”

“Liar. You blush with more than your blood.”

“That sounds so weird.”

“Shifty eyes. Squirming. Jaw setting. I know your signs, McCoy.”

He huffed, making to roll over, but Jim’s hand on his side stopped him.

“Oh, don’t be grumpy with me.”

“I’m not.”

“You so are. Can’t go to bed like this, you know.”

“You’re so annoying.”

Jim moved closer, propping his chin on Bones’ shoulder. “But you love me anyway.”

“Barely.”

“Bones,” he sang, almost a warning. “Your belly is right here.”

“So’s your hips- hey!”

Jim had been merciless all day; fingers wiggling, worming, poking at his skin since before they were supposedly married. Any excuse to get his hands on him (though Bones had to admit he had no qualms about retaliating himself). Bones was already giggling now, exhaustion catching up to him, not being able to see Jim’s hands properly, the overwhelming giddiness of being this close to him, of pretending to be married. It was too much, and so he laughed and laughed, louder than usual. Everything pent up being released with his hiccuppy giggles. Bones prayed Jim couldn’t interpret it all.

“Oh, I’ve never tried this spot before,” Jim was saying, even though it was a lie. He’d tried every spot, but Bones couldn’t correct him. Could barely protest; his laughter too burly for words to get past.

Better laughter than other reactions. Better distraction than being forced to confront it all.

* * *

The second night was bound to be worse, mostly because Bones had woken up with his arms around Jim, who’d been grinning sleepily at him with raised eyebrows. He refused to allow himself to sleep tonight.

“It was cute,” Jim was saying. “Don’t be embarrassed.”

“I’m not embarrassed.”

“Yes, you are. I can see your signs.”

Shifty eyes. Goddammit.

“Hey, if you’re too shy to share a bed-”

“I’m not shy.”

“Just let me know, right? I’m sure I can take the floor.” He was enjoying this, the bastard.

In between having breakfast and avoiding the crew’s questions about their first night, Bones _did_ wonder why neither one of them attempted to take the floor. They could’ve made it work, he reckoned. Could’ve made it work if they wanted.

“So you want me to tickle you to sleep tonight as well?”

Bones couldn’t look at his stupid smirk, but he refused to be shifty about it. Refused to blush with his body. “How about I tickle _you_?”

“As if I wouldn’t turn the tables. You’re too ticklish, Bones.”

“I’m gonna kill you one day, Jim. Mark my words.”

“Maybe you’ll cuddle me to death.”

“A week. I’m giving you a week.”

“You’re so easy to rile up.”

He turned away. That wasn’t shifty, right? “Let’s just get this over and done with.”

“If I didn’t know any better I’d say you’re not enjoying our honeymoon.”

Bones got into bed first, his back to Jim’s side, determined to remain awake, or at the very least, turned away from his pretend husband.

He felt Jim get in after him, the room dark, Bones’ body tense.

Jim’s hand was gentle on his back, but not ticklish. “Honey.”

“What?”

“Don’t be mad at me.”

“I’m always mad at you.”

“No. You’re always grumpy with me. Never mad.”

Bones sighed. “I’m not mad.”

“Bones.”

“What?”

“Will it be weird to sleep without me after this?”

“No.”

“Oh.”

“Sleeping _with_ you is weird. But without you? It’d just feel empty.”

Jim didn’t say anything else and Bones fell into a restless sleep quicker than he would’ve liked.

* * *

“You talk in your sleep.”

“Do I?”

“Uh huh.” Jim was watching him from his side of the bed, his gaze too intense. “Mostly bullshit, to be fair. But sometimes you’ll say something that makes sense.”

“Such as?”

“That you love me.”

Bones choked on his own goddamn saliva.

“It’s interesting getting love declarations after the honeymoon, eh?”

“Technically it’s not over yet,” Bones said, unsure of how to act, unsure of whether Jim actually _understood_. Hoping both he would and not at all.

“I love you, too, by the way. Unless you didn’t know.”

“My husband loves me. Got it.”

“No, I-” Jim faltered for the first time, his ears reddening. “It’s… I’m being honest, Bones.”

“So am I.”

“So if I asked if I could kiss you, would you let me?”

Now it was Bones’ turn to blush. Full on, face-reddening, cheek-heating, blood blush. “Oh.”

“Bones?”

“Yes. Yes, please.”

Jim scooted closer. Bones shut his shifty eyes.


End file.
